For young people
What do I do if I feel left out by my friends?
Start by separating what actually happened from the story you're telling yourself about it, then reach out to one person you trust. Belonging isn't only your job; everyone in a group helps decide who's in and who's out.
Three moves when you feel left out
- Separate the facts from the story. Fact: they went somewhere and I wasn't invited. Story: nobody likes me. They're not the same thing.
- Reach towards one safe person. Message someone you trust or ask to catch up. One real connection matters more than winning over a whole group.
- Move closer to people who make you feel like yourself. Notice who you feel relaxed and included around.
You can move the boundary
Every person in a group helps draw the line of who belongs. That means you're not powerless. Including someone else is one of the fastest ways to feel like you belong yourself.
Give this a go (next 24 hours)
Include someone, ask someone a question, or notice someone on the edge and bring them in.
From Chapter 7, "Boundary of Belonging".
Quick answers
What if I'm being bullied?
Tell a trusted adult at school or home, or contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
Related questions
Why people trust Start Where You Are
- Written by Ash Manuel, a former PE teacher and founder of Growing With Gratitude, which has reached more than 1 million young people across 1,205 schools in 80 countries.
- Foreword by Dr Phil Cummins of the University of Sydney and the Sydney Character Initiative.
- Shaped by conversations with young people about what they actually wanted from a book like this.
- Published by Amba Press and featured on 9News Adelaide.