For parents and caregivers
How do I talk to my teen about feeling behind without lecturing?
Ask more than you tell, and share your own messy path rather than advice. When Ash asked young people what they wanted from this book, the first thing they said was: not another adult lecture.
Start with a question, not an answer
- "What's the most pressure you're feeling right now: school, friends, sport, the future, or something else?"
- "What's one thing you'd like to try this year?"
- "Is there anything that's been sitting in your head lately?"
Share your own story
Tell them about a time your path didn't go in a straight line. Young people said they wanted real experiences, not stories of people who magically fixed their lives.
Offer to listen, not fix
The book gives teenagers this line to use with parents: "I don't need a solution, I just want to talk something through." It helps to say it first: "You don't have to have an answer. I'm just interested."
Pick the moment
Side-by-side moments often work better than face-to-face ones: in the car, on a walk, cooking together.
Quick answers
What if they won't talk?
Leave the door open and try again another day. One question is enough.
Where can I find more conversation starters?
There are some for every chapter in the free parent guide.
Related questions
Why people trust Start Where You Are
- Written by Ash Manuel, a former PE teacher and founder of Growing With Gratitude, which has reached more than 1 million young people across 1,205 schools in 80 countries.
- Foreword by Dr Phil Cummins of the University of Sydney and the Sydney Character Initiative.
- Shaped by conversations with young people about what they actually wanted from a book like this.
- Published by Amba Press and featured on 9News Adelaide.